Menu
Ireland's political and cultural magazine
terminal breast cancer. She was given six
months to live but she lived three years. I
considered her as a parent. I started think-
ing about what would happen if my other
mum died. When my new mum came into
our lives, I felt more secure.
But I realised at some point that my new
mum had no legal claim to me. If something
happened to my birth mum, where could
my sister and I go? Both of our parents
could be taken away. Not many ten-year-
olds have to worry about things like that. It
is also about having watched my parents
campaign for years for marriage equality.
Even without the problems for me
growing up, my parents want their
marriage recognised. That’s a
good enough reason or me to cam-
paign for a Yes vote.
The easiest way for the No side
to win seems to be to wax lyrical
about the child’s ‘right to a mother
and a father’, as if those concepts
mean anything specific. Every
parent is different. There are no
characteristics that are unique to
mothers or fathers, unless you
believe in gendered stereotypes of
Daddy breadwinners and Mammy
bakers. The No side are using chil-
dren to play on the fears of people.
Not everyone knows a queer
person and fewer people know a
queer family. We have the statistics and the
reports to counteract fears, but people
need to see our families and connect with
how the referendum affects us to under-
stand. Canvassing for marriage equality
has always been more successful when
queer people go door to door and tell the
story of how happy they and their partner
are.
For us children, this debate means open-
ing up childhood memories and showing
them off. Being a poster child is tough, but
it is the only way to show voters who queer
families are. This referendum is about
LGBTQ children having equality in their
future. It is about LGBTQ couples who have
been waiting years, or even decades, for a
real wedding. And yes, it’s about the chil-
dren who have been told their whole lives
that their families are not equal. •
A
S far as my family are concerned, my
two mothers are married. They tied
the knot in New York just under a
year ago. The Irish state does not recognise
their marriage, but with luck it will soon.
With two weeks to go, the posters are up,
the debate is in full swing and every nay-
sayer wants to know: should gay couples be
raising children?
The Children and Family Relationships
Act may have decided that issue legally, but
the No campaign aren’t trying to debate
marriage. They are looking to scare up No
votes. They are asking people to prevent
same-sex couples from bringing
up children, despite the fact that
they already are bringing them
up. I am twenty years old. My
mother came out as gay when I
was two and she met her partner
when I was eight.
People often want to know
what my childhood was like, but
mostly they want to know what
was wrong with it. This is the
kind of subtle homophobia that
comes from assumptions that
you weren’t parented properly.
Did you have the right kind of
role models? Were you bullied?
Did you feel like something was
missing? Ultimately it all comes
down to asking you if you regret
that your parents are your parents.
This is and always has been hurtful to me
not only because it is homophobic, but also
because it’s deeply offensive to every day
I’ve lived with my parents. My parents are
wonderful people. I won’t hear a word
against them. Or I wouldn’t if I had the
option to choose. The referendum has given
space to many more hurtful opinions than
usual.
It’s frustrating to listen to people on TV
saying your family is “not ideal”. It’s insult-
ing to have to answer probing questions
and educate people. I never had doubts
about my family’s legitimacy. I don’t need
the state to tell me that my parents are my
parents. But the lack of legal recognition
causes problems.
When I was five years old, my mum’s first
female partner was diagnosed with
May 2015 7
Don’t tell me my
family’s ‘not ideal’
There are no
characteristics
that are
unique to
mothers or
fathers, unless
you believe
in gendered
stereotypes
“
The No side are using children to
play on fears. By Daire Courtney
Even these models say Yes
