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Nobody’s Child
PJ Rafferty’s mother Eileen was first brought to the Tuam Mother and Baby Home in 1951, aged 27. Pregnant outside of marriage, Eileen was discretely ushered into the home by the local parish priest, anxious to avoid a scandal in the Galway town. In an era of a Catholic Ireland seemingly devoid of empathy, compassion or indeed Christianity, pregnancy outside of marriage was, as PJ points out, a crime “akin to murder”; under a patriarchal church, it was the women who were punished, filtered out and forgotten. Although PJ’s memory of the home is fragile – a fact he puts down to something “terrible” having happened there, his experience of the home was that it shaped his childhood and teenage years and his brief relationship with his mother. “When my mother got pregnant, rumours started flying around and somebody went down and told the priest; he came up to the house and told her that she wouldn’t be able to go to church any more, being pregnant outside of marriage. He told her that it was a bad influence on all the people around the town and she’d be better off if she was kept indoors till such time the baby was due. Then he told her parents there was a place in Tuam where there were nuns who looked after women who had babies outside of marriage”. PJ’s mother spent 12 months at the Bon Secours-run Mother and Baby Home before being forced to leave without her baby. The reason for staying those 12 months, according to PJ, was that the nuns were anxious for babies to be breastfed, because it would “save them the trouble of buying milk and that”, as well as the fact they could have the women work there, looking after other babies, cleaning and washing. “My mother had to leave after 12 months because they didn’t want the bonding, so she had to get out; she said she wanted to bring the baby with her, and the nuns said ‘you’re not fit to keep him, he’s going to be kept here and fostered out’, and they closed the door on her face. So rather than leave Tuam, she got work in the town as a cleaner. Every time she was off during the week she would take ten minutes and walk up to the home and knock on the door, pleading and begging with the nuns, ‘please hand out my son, please let me see him’, and they’d tell her to go away; she spent five and a half years doing that while I was there. To think that my mother, if she had money, could buy me out of there, if she had money to give the nuns and say ‘here you are’. And I mean where were you supposed to get 100 pounds in those days? Sure you wouldn’t have it. And she could buy me. Jesus Christ, to think that you could buy your own baby”. Although PJ finds it difficult to remember life in the home, he vividly remembers the mattresses leaning up against the home’s windows each day, drying out from where children had wet them. He also recalls the alienation he felt in school, where children from the home were treated differently to the other children: “We were put in a room on our own and were cornered off in a section of the playground, and the nuns were watching you to make sure you weren’t playing with the other children. The other kids would be kicking around and playing their games and that. We weren’t allowed to talk to the other children. We were kept away from them because a lot of the parents didn’t like us mixing with them. They had this thing of us maybe carrying diseases and that. We were filth, the dirt of the earth really and truly. That’s the way we were treated, like we were filthy dirty”. PJ, Patrick Joseph – from Menlough in Ballinasloe – was fostered at six years of age and remembers walking to a car hand-in-hand with his foster mother. He recalls seeing a dog for the first time, and chickens and hens on his foster parents’ farm. Now 65, he has only fond memories of his foster parents, how “great” they were, and that only for them he doesn’t know where he would have been, that perhaps he would have killed himself. When PJ was in his twenties, he discovered that his mother was living and working in England and, having received a letter from her, travelled to Brixton to meet her for the first time. In what was an emotional reunion, they chatted, exchanged stories and took photos, but although there was some contact afterwards, the letters eventually stopped. It would be 2010, after PJ’s foster parents passed away, before his mother wrote to him again, prompting him to travel with his wife back to Brixton unannounced. “So then out of the blue we got a letter from my mother, and she said that her husband had died shortly after we’d seen her before in the 1970s. She said she didn’t want to interfere but could she become part of my life, part of my family. We decided we’d go back then, but that we wouldn’t tell her, in case she mightn’t open the door, that she could be nervous. We decided to take a chance on it, so we got to Brixton and walked down the street where she was living, and we walked on the opposite side in case she was looking out and might see us and recognise me. As it happened we saw this small elderly woman leaning on the wall, and we crossed the road over to her. She said ‘good morning’ and we said ‘good morning’ to her. We said we were looking for the new neighbours that moved in next door. I walked over to her and said ‘it’s maybe you I’m looking for, do you know
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