Turn off the heat.
Instead, warm yourself by setting fire
to your free weekly copy of The Galway Advertiser.
Be sure and arm yourself with extra
by liberating them from your neighbours’ letter boxes.
Sit in the dark, preferably alone,
so you don’t spread the pox to anyone else,
wearing a cheap pair
of unsustainable sunglasses;
they’re the only luxury we’ll allow you.
Get extra underwear second hand
from your local mortuary;
I hear they plan to start selling them
out of the back of the hearses
for which they can no longer afford petrol.
There are bargains to be got.
Exercise personal responsibility.
Begin eating spiders, dandelions
and – for calcium – each other’s toenails.
But only as a weekend treat.
The notion of eating each day
is a pre-war social construct.
Spend the October bank holiday
rolled up in an old carpet,
and Christmas writing Limericks:
there was a young man from Killiney
whose plans for world domination were stymied…