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Humour
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More than four decades ago, Chris the Kid Schroeder and I tried desperately to avoid wetting ourselves in a cinema whilst watching a 1950s promotional film about Dallas. The absurd shots of big buildings, huge hats, and sparkling Lincoln Continentals were accompanied by a repetitive ditty: They make ‘em bigger and better in Dallas! It really was not that catchy, and yet it tickled us so that not even the walk to the Savoy (admittedly after several hours in a very convivial McDaid’s) could restrain us from belting out the chorus. Ever since, I have been set off by any mention of Texas. But when it comes to online lunatics, they make ‘em even bigger and better in the state capital, Austin. This is the nucleus from which Alex Jones of ‘InfoWars’ spews his poison. Those who have never experienced Jones’ output can simply envisage Goebbels’ 1943 ‘Total War’ speech delivered by a quite convincing Jabba the Hutt impersonator. Mr Jones is currently of interest because in recent days he has been successfully sued by the parents of a six-year-old child murdered in the mass shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012. 20 of the 26 children killed that day were aged 6 to 7. In the intervening ten years, Jones has denigrated this variously as ‘a fake’, ‘a false flag’ and even accused bereaved parents of ‘acting’ – pretending to weep as they cradled the bodies of their dead children. A defamation case taken by the parents of Jesse Lewis (who have in the past received death threats from Jones) concluded last week in the Texas Supreme Court. In all, Jones has been ordered to pay a total of almost €50 million to the couple, though the plaintiffs had sought $150 million. Does Jones have such money? Some forensic accounting shows that in the not-too-distant past, InfoWars was pulling in $800,000 a day from the products (nutritional supplements, survival gear, and of course the ever-popular penis pills) his show promotes. This, however, did not prevent Jones from having the brass neck to file for bankruptcy in the middle of the trial. The plaintiffs’ lawyers were able to point to an income of $165 million over a three-year period, while Jones was claiming a net worth of minus $20 million. His bank statements also show that in 2021, he withdrew $60 million for his personal benefit. Jones faces quite a few similar lawsuits, which are starting to make Daddy InfoWars look like the gift that may just keep on giving. In his sworn pre-trial deposition, Mr Jones said he had ever issued any texts from his phone on the subject of Sandy Hook. On the last day of the trial, however, the lawyer for the family of Jesse Lewis revealed in open court that Jones’ own lawyer had emailed his opponent extensive files, including two full years of Jones’ phone records. Not only had he unaccountably done so, but when informed of what he had done, he did not take the appropriate steps to rectify the matter and simply allowed the statutory period in which he could invoke privilege over this data, to expire. This allowed the plaintiffs’ lawyer – almost at the very end of the trial – to walk up to a visibly shocked Jones and tell him he had now seen Jones’ texts regarding Sand Hook, proving he had lied in making his deposition. The presiding judge did not bat an eyelid but the prospect of a charge of perjury is in clear view. This would be quite enough for anyone on one day – but wait, there’s more! The large number of texts provided to the family’s lawyer apparently include some between Jones and one Roger Stone. Now swirling round mainstream news outlets are all sorts of comments about ‘intimate’ texts between the twice-married, homophobic father of four Jones and the twice-married father of two Roger Stone. Here I must pause for breath dear reader, as Mark Bankston who did such a bang-up job for Jesse Lewis’ family, now confirms that among the items sent by Mr Jones from his phone to Mr Stone, was a naked photograph of his Mr Jones’ wife. Monsieur Jones, now you are really spoiling us! Trump-pardonné Stone has been around Washington politics a long time, including as a stripling in Nixon’s last campaign. His lowest political point (so far) was getting kicked off the ‘96 Bob Dole campaign. It seems the ‘personal ads’ he and his then-wife had placed in the magazine ‘Local Swing Fever’ may have been a contributory factor: “Hot, insatiable lady and her handsome body builder husband, experienced swingers, seek similar couples or exceptional muscular single men”. To avoid any confusion, the sporty pair included photographs of themselves. But don’t take my word for it – ask Jeffrey Toobin (CNN’s long-time senior legal analyst) to whom Stone disclosed this ‘indiscretion’. But I digress (and can you really blame me?). However, the coming weeks and months are likely to inflate Mr Stone’s CV. When he appeared before the January 6th Congressional Committee last December, he pleaded the Fifth Amendment to every question put to him. He will be back. Inevitably the complete record of Alex Jones’ texts provided to Mr Bankston caught the notice of the Congressional Committee. On 8 August 2022, it requested and promptly received those phone records. Given Stone’s position within the Trump camp throughout the whole sorry mess of the 2020 US Presidential election, contemporaneous messaging between Stone and Mighty-Mouth Jones must be of interest. We are quite good at joining up the dots in this country. Just look at sharp-eyed Bono, rocking up to the Hyatt Hotel, Orlando in February 1992 and looking all the way up to the 17th floor to see a face from home. “Ah, Jaysus, Ben Dunne! How’s it going, man?” Whoever thought something so simple could lead us into the private lives of such luminaries as Charlie Haughey, Michael Lowry and so many others? Let’s
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(November 2020, Village magazine)
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Posted in:
O’BRIEN-DESMOND LETTER
Dear Dermot, “Sir, “And so a citizen, about whom falsehoods are uttered in the Dáil, upheld by the Dáil’s Committee on Procedures and Privileges, decides to seek vindication, is admonished by The Irish Times (Editorial, “In defence of Dáil privilege”, August 5th). “Not only that but such action is described as “dangerous”. “Is this the same newspaper that was engaged in a “deliberate act of destruction” (of documents), as described by the Chief Justice in 2006? – Yours, etc, “DENIS O’BRIEN, Got them there, did you see? Nothing worse than a deliberate act of destruction. I’ll show them falsehoods. Falsehoods that show that that Catherine Murphy is a charlatan. At least I’ll either do that or just keep on going go on and on about falsity, and hope that people have forgotten or got bored by what I said when Cregan produces his IBRC report. I may even do a Creganreport.com job on it like I did with Moriarty. You don’t mess with Denis. Reminds me of the time I drove my Mum’s car across the cricket pitches in High School in the snow and got suspended; but bounced back cos they needed me for the rugger team. Always bouncing back. Waterford Whispers, whatever that is (Morrissey – on retainer – found them) wimpishly removed an article about me from their site, following a threat of legal action from solicitors. Going on about bloody Esat and the opinions of the Moriarty tribunal on my dealings with Lowry. Jokers. The article was accompanied by a digitally altered image of me with the head of a criminal superimposed. It made me really sad, but I bounced back. Meaghers wrote it was a “malicious and deliberate defamation of the most serious kind”, and demanded it be removed from the website. Failure to comply, they said, would lead them to “take all necessary steps to vindicate our client’s good name and reputation”. Good lad, Paulie. One of the great benefits of going to college is friendships. Broadsheet.ie ignored the letter I sent their way almost AS IF THEY DON’T KNOW WHO I AM. Work-shy SIPTU-heads. I don’t really want to play out the whole issue of whether paying Lowry after he awarded us the licence could possibly be classified as corrupt. I mean what if I sue Broadsheet and the DPP presses charges? I’m sure, as an Esat investor you’re with me on that. I see Mr Justice Colm Mac Eochaidh will be taking over the defamation list in the High Court (ring of steel) from October. Beak criticised my attacks on Moriarty’s opinions. Anyway I’m currently also suing the Oireachtas Committee on Procedure and Privileges, accusing it of interfering with the courts and breaching my Constitutional rights after ruling that She and Pearse Doherty did not abuse Dáil privilege when they made claims about my banking arrangements with IBRC in the Dáil chamber. Is this the same Sinn Féin that engaged in deliberate acts of destruction? The idea that I had favourable terms or that for some reason I was keen to defer my loans is a falsehood so great that it shakes most people’s faith in civilisation. Top guys William Fry (super firm), which is representing me in the case, has been appointed as legal adviser to the Cregan commission of investigation into transactions by IBRC, including deals with me. Frys has a long-standing relationship with me, dating back to the Esat bid, and represented me in the recent case against RTÉ as well as in previous proceedings against the Revenue Commissioners. Digicel invested in UCD-based Heystaks which analyses Smartphone use. Named after my hair. And bunged a few quid into San Fran-based Wrap Media to create a “groundbreaking mobile storytelling platform”: what’s not to love about that? Bailed out of British fuel company, Harvest Energy. Bought a new jet. Got the usual fawning coverage of that in the Irish media. But the big picture now is the Digicel flotation in New York due before the end of the year. As to you, Sir, Dustin Johnson, the world’s number four golfer, apparently prepared for the British Open with a summer weekend in Dublin visiting you and your kids, Brett, Ross and Derry (mighty names big boy), the trio who brought the Five Guys burger franchise to Ireland. CPL founder Anne Heraty, Galway solicitor Brian Lynch, you and I, sir are among a group that has given green-jersey seed funding for early work on a new Irish tall ship which will teach young people to sail. You’d have to agree with Maurice Manning that while not the sharpest, I do make up for it with infectious enthusiasm. The vessel will cost €16m to build, funded by State and philanthropic donations. Ireland has had no tall ship for training purposes since the Asgard II sank in 2008. I’ll help you with the philanthropy, and make sure you keep up the golf – and the burgers. The real action, Dr Desmond, is this direction. And I always bounce back. See you in Twickenham. Denis
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As he prepares for the hols, Denis shares his thoughts on life in business, with his fellow billionaire, Dermot. D E N I S O’ B R I E N Dear Dermot, I woke up in Haiti on the morning of April 29th to a phone message saying that RTÉ had sent me a letter with questions regarding my confidential banking arrangements with Anglo Irish Bank/ IBRC. My immediate reaction was astonishment – astonishment – that RTÉ could be used in such a way, so deliberately, to set out to damage me. Sitting over breakfast in Haiti I knew I had an immediate decision to make. I was obliged to take a stand to protect privacy and confidentiality in relation to my financial affairs. In brief. Court. Morrissey. Denis v RTÉ. Win. Delight. Denis v the People. Shut down Parliamentary reporting. Spineless media collapse. Lose (ring of steel) and experience abuse, venom and hatred. More Morrissey. National ignominy and revulsion. Problem is it has been suggested that my banking affairs are of public interest. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but I refute that. Where does public interest begin or end? I am a private citizen, and an old-fashioned one. Can I presume my medical records will be sought, twisted and turned for public consumption next, just as happened with my wife’s medical records at the Moriarty tribunal in 2002? Deputy Catherine Murphy mysteriously obtained copies of files about my banking arrangements. Since then, she has repeatedly made erroneous and untruthful statements (Morrissey says don’t say lies, and he would know) about my banking relationship. Totally SIPTU. Not for one minute did I ever allow external access to anyone to my private banking files. The only conclusion is that they were taken from Anglo Irish Bank/IBRC without the permission of the liquidator. In other words, they were stolen. Stolen in a different way from how journalists on INM which I nearly control obtain leaks, mind. Miserable Michael McDowell always has something to say about me. But underlying everything you have to look at his agenda, which he always fails to declare. It’s almost like he’s holding something against me from the time of Professor Moriarty’s inquisition. In his Irish Times article he in fact fudged the parliamentary privilege issue, noting: “We are in dangerous territory where the alleged privacy rights of the powerful call into question … seem to cast doubt on the efficacy of Article 15.12 of our Constitution”. Morrissey laughed – it gave us a pass. Doubt on the efficacy of the Constitution? Brilliant. RTÉ, the Irish Times and the Journal.ie removed the material from their websites or were not broadcasting it. It was like taking candy from kids. Nobody seemed to notice the Guardian and New York Times published it without taking breath. Philip Bouchier Hayes tweeted that the constitutional privilege was “qualified” for the media. Morrissey hooted with laughter. Before, that is, Micheal Martin destroyed him. Amazed to see the profile of Morrissey in the Irish Times: ‘Denis O’Brien’s cornerman: He must have been a boxer in his former life’. How about a fucking moron in his former life? Micheal Martin rammed a pitchfork up his overpaid, loyal, thick arse. Now, perhaps the Fianna Fáil leader would like to lead the way elsewhere and encourage all Fianna Fáil TDs to make public their banking files since 1990 to RTÉ and then have them distorted? Over time I do really hope that the anger and nastiness which fuels the current discord will abate and be replaced by a positive and constructive outlook for the country. I don’t mind its outlook on me, it’s the outlook for the country I’m about. Green jersey. Still. Anyway the main thing is we’ll be back in court. And I know you’re with me, Dermot. For years the media have largely spinelessly ignored your affairs – the Glackin report and all that stuff about funding of former Taoiseach Charles Haughey in the Moriarty Tribunal. You’re the gold standard in defamation successes over the years, with bars for Vincent Browne, Matt Cooper and the Sunday Times. That’s all I want. Privacy, confidentiality, fear and silence. Back to the real world and Alex White playing a Rabbittesque blinder on media ownership. Not looking at the existing status quo – just the implications of future acquisitions. Ha. It’s not, he says, a question of being “averse” to questioning the current situation, but “rather that I believe it would be fraught with constitutional risk”. Alex noted that the retrospective nature of the nursing home charges led to the Supreme Court striking down an Act as repugnant to the Constitution. Sounds good to me. According to top man, Nick Webb, in the Sindo, I’m changing the focus of Digicel as it prepares to float in New York in what could be the most valuable IPO of an Irish-linked company ever. Some industry estimates, Webb notes dutifully, have suggested that the company could have an enterprise value of around $13bn, including its $6.5bn in debt. Tom Lyons and Ian Kehoe in the Business Post on the other hand talked of $10bn and only if it can move beyond mere mobile phone to become a rounded high-growth communications company. If I don’t own the Business Post, I should. In the past three full financial years, Digicel has paid me $1.1bn in dividends. I receive a quarterly payment of $10 million each year. Pays Morrissey, legal fees and pints after the match for Macker, Biffer and the Bulldozer. In addition, I was paid special dividends of $650 million in February 2014 and $300 million in June 2012. Digicel is “evaluating” an approach to buy its €90m mobile-phone mast business in Myanmar. We made an unsuccessful bid to land one of the two mobile-phone licences which were put up for auction by the Myanmar authorities in 2013. Groups involving Norway’s Telenor and Qatar’s Ooredoo prevailed. Meanwhile I see you’ve bought a few more diamonds, or is it diamond
